Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
