and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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