i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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