TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
