My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wanna passion pit in your ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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