I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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