I bet he comes in French.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
