you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
