Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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