I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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