He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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