I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You can't special order awesome
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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