sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
