I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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