okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
