The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
