when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
