he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
