Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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