I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He shit in the fireplace
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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