oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
