why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
