and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
