she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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