i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
