Say something about gay babies.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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