I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
40s are totally the cure
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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