my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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