my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
