Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
