I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
