The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He has the fingertips of a God
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
