Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
