Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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