I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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