Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
