i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
