Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
