real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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