Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize