i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
