I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
