so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
