At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
