I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She announced her abortion via fbk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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