I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
