she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
