I think my vagina is haunted
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize