his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
