You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
why is half of my head shaved?
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