Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
