I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize