its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
