I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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