I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
