Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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