I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
