I CAN MOONWALK!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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