I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
