I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize