I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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