At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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