Pants 0. Shit 1.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
