if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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