Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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