I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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