singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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