He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
