his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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