Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
