Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
