i just had sex bonerless
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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