My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
