Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
