JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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