If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who died my cat blue again?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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