just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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