a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
