He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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