Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
