Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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