Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
