i jhust puked up my retainher.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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