I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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