I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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