And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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