theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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