margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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