I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
