Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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