last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You pole danced in your parka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
