Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
