Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
