I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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