Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
