dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
