i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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