Your mouth is God's brothel.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
